Category: Writers Block
I stand here in this empty room, wondering what to do
The pills are in front of me on the table can I? will I? am I able
A silent sob rises in my throat, i realise it's my time to go.
I hear her scream downstairs, it doesn't matter if I go, nobody cares.
Thoughts are rushing round in my head, maybe they will notice if I'm dead.
The bruises have faded but the memories have not, will the years be araised that time forgot.
I swallow the pills down quickly, trying to forget that just in one moment there will be nothing left.
I feel a kind of weightlessness, a beautiful release the memories are gone, my time has come for now I am at peace.
Now I've ended my story, maybe they'll stop to look
For once there was a child who's tragic life was took.
Very interesting. Your last two lines "Now I've ended my story, maybe they'll stop to look
For once there was a child who's tragic life was took." stand out, unfortunately, because of their grammar.
Bob
What do you mean by that? I had to use something that rymed with book!, it's about when I thought about suicide, I have an alcohollic Mother, I was 12 when I thought about it
Krystan, it's a good poem, but is kind of weak in the way you end it. I think I understand that you had more need to complete it than make it perfect. but it's a good expression of how you felt, so thank you for sharing.
Well said BlackBird, I wish I had said it that way.
The writers block is, as I understand it, a place for raving about, and criticizing others writings. I think in most submissions on here there are praise-worthy elements, and some warranting criticism.
My feedback in post 2 was merely that, my reaction to your poem Krystan, and for me, the last line stuck out like a sore thumb. Others may disagree, and others may agree, it's just our response to your poem. It's not a big deal. If you are afraid of feedback, merely post a comment at the beginning like "no feedback please" at the beginning and most of us would honor it.
Please don't quit posting,.
Bob
Bob
I understand that emotion completely. Krystan dont be so quick to jump when you recieve a criticism, even Tolkien, endured 10 years of it before Lord of The Rings was published and it's full of poetry ect..
do you really have a alcoholic mother? if so contact me at jessiesears@gmail.com
I like this poem, it doesn't have a hint of fear, no fear of death at all. This is a good thing, really.
You think so a fear of death is healthy
It's healthier to not think about death. It's healthier to not have fear. Therefore, not having a fear of death is very good.
Beautiful poem. It made the concept of death seem like a long last awaited confort. Sometimes I think of it that way, but there's still a fear and will to live for me inside. I came close to suicide when my best friend walked out of my life last March. Scarey place to be so I understand. And I'm sorry about your mother. Its good to be strong, for strength concors in the end.
I have to disagree with that no fear will get you killed
I have to disagree with that no fear will get you killed
Not if you have a sound mind; if you have a sound mind and if it's free of guilt or anything else that makes life unpleasant, then you'd be forever at peace.